Monday, March 03, 2008

Patch me if you can.

Ah Monday, sweet brutal day two of my sordid plan to quit smoking. I came walking into the Coffee House and when I saw Jessica I asked her if she wanted to see something terrible. Then I lifted up my shirt a bit to reveal the little 14mg nicotine patch I'm wearing.

"You're on the patch?" she asked.

"I'm quitting smoking."

"Oh," she said, and laughed. "I would have thought you were on the birth control patch before I thought nicotine."

Spot on.

The problem with all of this is that despite what your grade school teachers told you, smoking does in fact make you cool. It's sort of sad, but totally true. Now that I'm not smoking (assuming this holds up), I am no longer as cool as I was. In fact, I'm not sure I'm even half as cool. Smoking gives you a reason to be outside talking to people you don't know. It makes you look less like an idiot while you're idly leaning up against a building. It makes conversation easier. It invokes – if used properly – images of James Dean and Paul Newman, adds an air of mystery (pun intended).

I don't want to not be cool anymore. On the other hand, I think I'm already getting more oxygen, and that's not a bad feeling at all. Still, how many of these toothpicks do I really think I'm going to get through?

Moments later, still at the Coffee House, Aaron approaches me and asks if I have a lighter. Any other day I would have removed a red Bic from my pocket without even thinking about it, but today? Today no, I don't have a lighter.


Blogger Sans said...

Stay strong, man. You'll always have a noggin full of geek knowledge, and that makes you cool to me.

3/04/2008 11:36 AM  
Blogger J. Fantastic said...

Thanks for the support, kemo sabe.

3/04/2008 3:40 PM  

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